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The All American Can Seamer Model 225F is available on Amazon. It’s an expensive piece of hardware, but I had 2 amazon gift cards from my job for $200 each. The whole deal seemed simple enough. I was going to get a can seamer for half price, it would show up in the mail, I would pull it out of the box and be off to the races on never having to deal with bottles ever again. -- maybe you don’t think bottles are a pain in the ass, but I do. The cap sealer always goes wonky and even crushes the top of the bottle on occasion. Also, bottles have become a little lame. I’m sure they’ll have their day again.

Actually, let’s start from the beginning. Like all proper millennials in the year 2019 I have an Instagram account. And also like all proper millennials, I use Instagram to let the rest of the world know when the moments of my life are superior to everybody else's. Pretty standard stuff. I’m sure that most of you follow your friends and families on Instagram. I don’t. I follow breweries and vacation destinations. If I’m going to mentally check out for a couple minutes, those are the places I want to check out to.

This is all getting a little long and off track, I know. But one of my favorite local breweries posted photos of them canning their next release in their Instagram feed one day. It’s a small operation and the thing in the photo responsible for sealing cans looked like something that would fit on my kitchen counter. And so began the research.

I’d already bought so many giant metallic things to make my brew days go better and my most recent bottling day had included 30 glorious minutes of cleaning bottle shards up in our kitchen. The can seamer seemed like everything else I’d already bought -- read some articles rating different products, pick a reasonably priced one with the features I wanted, order it, get it, use it. So that is exactly what I did to buy my All American Can Seamer Model 225F.

Here’s where things get complicated and I’m going to be honest, I don’t think any of the articles on the internet rating can seamers are by people who have ever used a can seamer. As a matter of fact, I’ve decided that the people who use can seamers and understand them don’t do write reviews on the internet because Amish people don’t use the internet. So here are the things that I wish the Amish person that brews beer would have told me on the internet about the can seamer I ordered.

1. The All American Can Seamer Model 225F by default is for sealing #2 cans -- wtf does that mean? It means it seals cans that look like this.

Perfect for preparing for nuclear winter, not that great for canning beer.

2. The All American Can Seamer Model 225F has a conversion kit from it’s default setting to seal 12oz cans, but not 16oz cans. The conversion kit is very expensive, so you should order your 225F for 12oz cans instead of #2 cans when you place your original order.

Yeah...Amazon obviously didn’t explain that, neither did the reviews, whatever. Sometimes you’ve got to buck up and pay the dumb tax. I paid it and got my conversion kit, so now I’m able to can homebrew AND prepare for nuclear winter.

3. If you want to can both 12oz and 16oz cans, then you need to buy the All American Can Seamer Model S202A. It wasn’t available on Amazon -- I regret my decision a little, but deep down know that I would have never done anything without thinking the gift cards were saving me a bundle of money.

4. THE SEAM GAUGE IS SO VERY IMPORTANT!!! -- The seam gauge looks like nothing you'll ever need. My 12oz can conversion kit didn’t come with one and I decided it didn’t matter. Then I made the first really good beer of my life, carbonated it in 30 12oz cans sealed with my amazing new can seamer, and only 5 of them ended up being carbonated. My friends refered to it as hand crafted carbonation. Anyway, I contacted All American, got my gauge in the mail 3 days later and realized my settings were all wrong. That tiny piece of metal has resulted in nothing but perfectly sealed cans since I received it. It’s pure magic.

So here’s the moral of the story. I bought a can seamer. It turned out to be really really expensive and a giant pain in the ass. All that said, I fucking love it. I love that I figured out how to make it work. I love making beer and ginger beer that I can put it cans and drink. It feels amazing. Do it. You’re going to spend a lot of money. You’re going to get frustrated. You’re going to give up a couple of times. Do it anyway. You’ll love it. It’ll feel great and like you accomplished something.